What Happened On The Day that I Told My Husband That I Could No Longer Care For Our Daughter and What I Learned!
HOW.ARE.YOU?
It’s been just a tad over a month since we chatted last and I’m super excited to share with you today. This is something that is very dear and near to me. But, before we dive in, can I tell you something, quickly?
I am I so glad that it is finally Spring. I’m looking forward to a good pedi, some flip flops, jeans, and a t-shirt. How about you?
So now that I have that out of the way let’s dive in. Did you take notice of the picture? It’s so precious and like aw, right?
Well, what you see in this picture is a molding of our sweet Gabby’s hand. Gabryle (pronounced Gabrielle) is her name. Gabryle Serene. She had such a calm and sweet spirit. Gabby was just 7 months old when she transitioned from Earth to her eternal home.
In those 7 months of life and even inside of the womb she faced many challenges and with those challenges arrived this quiet and sudden day. On this particular day, I gathered the nerve and strength to tell my Husband, that I could not care for Gabryle any longer.
Yet, before I tell you about his reaction, I want to give you some details about this precious being that God allowed on Earth for a short yet powerful season.
You see Gabby, she suffered greatly in terms of her health. My God, just sitting here thinking. I can remember one day, as we entered her hospital room there had to have been about 50 plus needles stuck inside of her tiny head, monitoring her brain. Can you imagine that? Thinking about it makes me nauseated to my stomach.
Sometimes her brain would forget to tell her to breathe and she would begin choking before our very eyes. Not only would she choke, but often, she would turn purple, and even gray.
My heart would pound so hard. So hard, that I would not have been surprised if the parent on the other side of the NICU would have came over, tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Would you turn your thump down.” On another hand, they probably would have never done that, as they were too focused on their own thump!!
Gabby was a twin and her sister’s name was Isabella Grace. Sweet baby Izzy died in August of 2009 in utero only a few short weeks to delivery. Can you imagine going in for a routine check up to find out that your child died inside of your womb?
Even more so, on the day that we were packed and ready to travel to my Husband's grandfather's funeral. Have you ever thought, “Not today, Lord, any other day, but not today?”
Not to mention, I’d been to the dr. maybe 3 days prior and everything supposedly was ok? Interesting, right? Pick your jaw up and please know that this is a true roller coaster story for a different platform, so stay tuned.
So back to Gabby, she had a lot of health issues. She suffered from brain damage and due to the brain damage, the doctor’s attempted to make a lab rat out of her, poking her, and using experimental meds/procedures. Mr. and Mrs. Logan, “we have this new medicine, we have this, we have that.” To be honest, “They had absolutely nothing, except a cover-up.”
Now, Gabby required 24-hour monitored care. She could not crawl, talk, swallow, move her legs, roll over, sit up, and we only heard a peep of a cry 1 time.
I will tell you, however, what she could do. She could look around and she gave us some of the best cuddles and somehow, we connected, and she knew exactly who her Pappy and Momma were.
We grew very tired of Gabby staying inside of the hospital being an experimental rat. So, we decided that we had to do something to get her out of that place. So, we brought Gabby home.
Only a few days before Christmas, we loaded her up and our SUV looked like a medical transport vehicle. Gabby was connected to a heart monitor 24 hours a day, oxygen 24 hours every day, she had a feeding tube with a feeding stand, and so many meds. SMH…. just thinking about it.
We lived 4 hours from our parents, so my parents came up to visit for Christmas. Just in those few days, my Husband and I may have gotten around 4 hours of sleep. On Christmas day we went to the ER twice because her feeding tube fell out.
I remember one day, Gabby stop breathing, and I was home alone with her. I was so nervous that I dialed 411 instead of 911. Attempting to preform CPR on a tiny being will toughen you up quickly.
So here we are, arriving at Gabby’s first dr’s visit since coming home. Everything was going so well. We arrived, parked, got out of the car, and it was never the same after the very next moment.
I shut my door, and I remember my Husband walking around the car and taking Gabby’s seat out and there in our ears was this loud BEEP.BEEP.BEEP.BEEP.BEEEEEPPPPPPP.
I pulled the blanket back and there’s this blue baby named Gabryle. So, close your eyes and imagine this man and woman running through the parking lot to hurry inside of the dr’s office.
There we interrupted every appointment, hysterically exclaiming that our daughter WAS.NOT.BREATHING! There goes that THUMP inside of my chest again!
Almost every dr and nurse there began working on our sweet Gabby. They got her back, but they had to send her to the hospital, which was right across the street.
Gabby was such a big girl. She wanted to act grown, I guess and ride across the street in an ambulance. So, her Dad and I drove and by the time we got inside we saw a set of doors opened. As we began to focus on the double doors, we realized that our Gabby was inside of that room.
There stood about 15-20 medical professionals all around our tiny baby. They had to incubate her, there go all those stupid needles, and you would not believe how swollen she had gotten in just those short minutes. It was as if we were on a live recording of an ER show.
She stayed at that hospital for maybe 2 hours and thereafter, she was transported to a Children’s hospital. Gabby stayed there for maybe 3 weeks and it was arriving time for our sweet baby to come home.
So as time drew near, I knew inside of my heart that I could not care for Gabby. I knew that she required medical attention that I could not give her.
Can you imagine coming to terms with the fact that you birthed your child, however you know that you can not care for them? That was a very hard pill to swallow. Harder to swallow, because I already had 2 children and I could care for them effectively.
So what happened next? I'm glad you asked. I knew that I had to have a conversation with my Husband and thereafter a conversation with the Children’s hospital staff who assisted families with the decision that I knew had to be made for Gabryle's safety and well being.
The conversation that my Husband and I had went very well on that day. We both knew that neither of us had the capacity to care for Gabryle. His response when I told him that I could not care for Gabryle was as follows, “Well, I know that I can’t care for her either.”
We made a lot of tough decisions as her parents and regardless of any of our stories, we are sometimes faced with difficult decisions. Especially in knowing what's best for our children.
This reminds me of the importance of sometimes knowing the background of a person's thought process before judging the action that they took. The "what were you thinking question?"
Yet, in pondering I found that a lot of people have taught us to have begin our decision making process with what it is that we desire. This process has worked for many. Yet, it never really worked for me.
So, I would like to share with you, something that I believe could help someone in their journey of tough decision making.
Therefore, I am inviting you to join me on FB Live sometime on Monday around lunch time.
I CAN.NOT.WAIT.TO.SHARE.WITH.YOU.
Oh, and Gabby, she never came home, yet she lived in another home that was full of love, the support that she needed medically, and with many other children who were supported and we felt wholeheartedly that was what she needed.
I spent so much time at her home with her, loving on her, holding her, and singing sweet melodies. Oh how I loved washing her little clothes and taking them to her.
She was even dedicated back to The Lord. She wore a little white dress and it was so sweet.
So my prayer is that this story has encouraged you in a way that you know that you can make any decision that you need to make in life and most of all know that JESUS.LOVES.YOU.PERIOD.
Until Monday, I am Tiffany Logan and I encourage wives and mothers ONE.STORY.AT.A.TIME!
It’s been just a tad over a month since we chatted last and I’m super excited to share with you today. This is something that is very dear and near to me. But, before we dive in, can I tell you something, quickly?
I am I so glad that it is finally Spring. I’m looking forward to a good pedi, some flip flops, jeans, and a t-shirt. How about you?
So now that I have that out of the way let’s dive in. Did you take notice of the picture? It’s so precious and like aw, right?
Well, what you see in this picture is a molding of our sweet Gabby’s hand. Gabryle (pronounced Gabrielle) is her name. Gabryle Serene. She had such a calm and sweet spirit. Gabby was just 7 months old when she transitioned from Earth to her eternal home.
In those 7 months of life and even inside of the womb she faced many challenges and with those challenges arrived this quiet and sudden day. On this particular day, I gathered the nerve and strength to tell my Husband, that I could not care for Gabryle any longer.
Yet, before I tell you about his reaction, I want to give you some details about this precious being that God allowed on Earth for a short yet powerful season.
You see Gabby, she suffered greatly in terms of her health. My God, just sitting here thinking. I can remember one day, as we entered her hospital room there had to have been about 50 plus needles stuck inside of her tiny head, monitoring her brain. Can you imagine that? Thinking about it makes me nauseated to my stomach.
Sometimes her brain would forget to tell her to breathe and she would begin choking before our very eyes. Not only would she choke, but often, she would turn purple, and even gray.
My heart would pound so hard. So hard, that I would not have been surprised if the parent on the other side of the NICU would have came over, tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Would you turn your thump down.” On another hand, they probably would have never done that, as they were too focused on their own thump!!
Gabby was a twin and her sister’s name was Isabella Grace. Sweet baby Izzy died in August of 2009 in utero only a few short weeks to delivery. Can you imagine going in for a routine check up to find out that your child died inside of your womb?
Even more so, on the day that we were packed and ready to travel to my Husband's grandfather's funeral. Have you ever thought, “Not today, Lord, any other day, but not today?”
Not to mention, I’d been to the dr. maybe 3 days prior and everything supposedly was ok? Interesting, right? Pick your jaw up and please know that this is a true roller coaster story for a different platform, so stay tuned.
So back to Gabby, she had a lot of health issues. She suffered from brain damage and due to the brain damage, the doctor’s attempted to make a lab rat out of her, poking her, and using experimental meds/procedures. Mr. and Mrs. Logan, “we have this new medicine, we have this, we have that.” To be honest, “They had absolutely nothing, except a cover-up.”
Now, Gabby required 24-hour monitored care. She could not crawl, talk, swallow, move her legs, roll over, sit up, and we only heard a peep of a cry 1 time.
I will tell you, however, what she could do. She could look around and she gave us some of the best cuddles and somehow, we connected, and she knew exactly who her Pappy and Momma were.
We grew very tired of Gabby staying inside of the hospital being an experimental rat. So, we decided that we had to do something to get her out of that place. So, we brought Gabby home.
Only a few days before Christmas, we loaded her up and our SUV looked like a medical transport vehicle. Gabby was connected to a heart monitor 24 hours a day, oxygen 24 hours every day, she had a feeding tube with a feeding stand, and so many meds. SMH…. just thinking about it.
We lived 4 hours from our parents, so my parents came up to visit for Christmas. Just in those few days, my Husband and I may have gotten around 4 hours of sleep. On Christmas day we went to the ER twice because her feeding tube fell out.
I remember one day, Gabby stop breathing, and I was home alone with her. I was so nervous that I dialed 411 instead of 911. Attempting to preform CPR on a tiny being will toughen you up quickly.
So here we are, arriving at Gabby’s first dr’s visit since coming home. Everything was going so well. We arrived, parked, got out of the car, and it was never the same after the very next moment.
I shut my door, and I remember my Husband walking around the car and taking Gabby’s seat out and there in our ears was this loud BEEP.BEEP.BEEP.BEEP.BEEEEEPPPPPPP.
I pulled the blanket back and there’s this blue baby named Gabryle. So, close your eyes and imagine this man and woman running through the parking lot to hurry inside of the dr’s office.
There we interrupted every appointment, hysterically exclaiming that our daughter WAS.NOT.BREATHING! There goes that THUMP inside of my chest again!
Almost every dr and nurse there began working on our sweet Gabby. They got her back, but they had to send her to the hospital, which was right across the street.
Gabby was such a big girl. She wanted to act grown, I guess and ride across the street in an ambulance. So, her Dad and I drove and by the time we got inside we saw a set of doors opened. As we began to focus on the double doors, we realized that our Gabby was inside of that room.
There stood about 15-20 medical professionals all around our tiny baby. They had to incubate her, there go all those stupid needles, and you would not believe how swollen she had gotten in just those short minutes. It was as if we were on a live recording of an ER show.
She stayed at that hospital for maybe 2 hours and thereafter, she was transported to a Children’s hospital. Gabby stayed there for maybe 3 weeks and it was arriving time for our sweet baby to come home.
So as time drew near, I knew inside of my heart that I could not care for Gabby. I knew that she required medical attention that I could not give her.
Can you imagine coming to terms with the fact that you birthed your child, however you know that you can not care for them? That was a very hard pill to swallow. Harder to swallow, because I already had 2 children and I could care for them effectively.
So what happened next? I'm glad you asked. I knew that I had to have a conversation with my Husband and thereafter a conversation with the Children’s hospital staff who assisted families with the decision that I knew had to be made for Gabryle's safety and well being.
The conversation that my Husband and I had went very well on that day. We both knew that neither of us had the capacity to care for Gabryle. His response when I told him that I could not care for Gabryle was as follows, “Well, I know that I can’t care for her either.”
We made a lot of tough decisions as her parents and regardless of any of our stories, we are sometimes faced with difficult decisions. Especially in knowing what's best for our children.
This reminds me of the importance of sometimes knowing the background of a person's thought process before judging the action that they took. The "what were you thinking question?"
Yet, in pondering I found that a lot of people have taught us to have begin our decision making process with what it is that we desire. This process has worked for many. Yet, it never really worked for me.
So, I would like to share with you, something that I believe could help someone in their journey of tough decision making.
Therefore, I am inviting you to join me on FB Live sometime on Monday around lunch time.
I CAN.NOT.WAIT.TO.SHARE.WITH.YOU.
Oh, and Gabby, she never came home, yet she lived in another home that was full of love, the support that she needed medically, and with many other children who were supported and we felt wholeheartedly that was what she needed.
I spent so much time at her home with her, loving on her, holding her, and singing sweet melodies. Oh how I loved washing her little clothes and taking them to her.
She was even dedicated back to The Lord. She wore a little white dress and it was so sweet.
So my prayer is that this story has encouraged you in a way that you know that you can make any decision that you need to make in life and most of all know that JESUS.LOVES.YOU.PERIOD.
Until Monday, I am Tiffany Logan and I encourage wives and mothers ONE.STORY.AT.A.TIME!
God Bless you Cuz!
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